By CK Ndlovu
As you make your way to your first class with only academic concerns on your mind, you spy a familiar shape near the lecture hall. Although you knew the chances of seeing her again were slim, you feel giddy with excitement. As you slip past your crush into the classroom, you are in a state of euphoria – daydreaming of the perfect “love at first sight” moment when she turns around and notices you. That’s before the rational part of your brain rudely interrupts and highlights one important concern: “Aren’t you too old for this?”
In our teens, the concept of a ‘crush’ was not something to be embarrassed about. Psychologist Charl E. Pickhardt told Psychology Today that having crushes in teen years plays a vital role in our development. However, now that we are stepping into a new phase in our lives (adulthood and higher education), how do we go about having crushes in the university space?
Sense of attraction
Like dealing with any crush any age, we need to ask the question of why we are attracted to this person. Is it because there are physically attractive or do we like aspects of their personality?
Finding out what attracts you to them will help you understand the nature of your feelings and even understand yourself better.
“Crushes have more to do with fantasy than with reality, and they tell much more about the admirer than the admired,” says Pickhardt.
Pickhardt further elaborates how there are two types of crushes. One is where we admire someone’s character. The other is a more romantic and sexual crush.
Considering the type of crush you have; you need to decide: Do you want to pursue your crush as a romantic partner, or do you want to remain a distant admirer? Keep in mind that as a university student, you no longer have the luxury of sliding a love confession on their table.
“Crushes have more to do with fantasy than with reality, and they tell much more about the admirer than the admired,” says Pickhardt.
Both scenarios contain a certain course of action that may lead to different outcomes: a full-blown relationship, friendship, rejection or merely just strangers, you need to be fully aware and prepared for any of these scenarios to avoid disappointment.
Single Shaming
On the other hand, with the heavy academic workload and anxiety, a distraction is needed.
Although it may feel like you are back in high school when speaking about crushes, it is something that even older adults face.
Described as a “fantasy”, Pickhardt says we can also use the admiration and infatuation of having a crush as way to escape the realities of being a student.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly, there is no specified time limit as how long one could have a crush however on a biological level, the feeling may only settle once the neurochemicals of serotonin and dopamine start to decrease. As long as you do not hyper-fixate on your crush to the point where it can disturb your academics and well-being, you can entertain the idea until the fantasy wears away.
Adult Crushes
The Society for Human Resource Management in the United States discovered that 50% of employees have had a crush on their colleague.
Emotionally, having a crush will always be the same and what could make it easier in university is that once you are no longer are interested in them anymore, it will be easier to move on as they will fade into the huge crowd of students.